People people listen close
I’ve got a little story to tell
About our old friend and his stupid heart
and the one we’ll call Sidemouth

She was pale and fair
With hair like fire
Smart as a whip and bone thin
Now this song is long it goes on and on
But I’ll tell ya bout the curse she put on him

The first time that he saw her
His heart exploded out of his chest
And his eyes popped out like a cartoon wolf’s
Shaking and unable to catch his breath
Felt like the sea began to shiver
and the wind began to moan
Must have been a sign for him
To leave her well alone

Just like the Sabbath song
It goes on and on
And for the next ten years our old friend would feel
The curse of side mouth

The first year our old friend
Couldn’t get Sidemouth out of his brain
He inquired and begged everyone that he knew to tell him more about this dame
Learned she had a little flame of her own
Turns out our old friend had one just the same
He also heard a couple nasty rumors
But he still left his lover in the pouring rain

Determined to make her his
All the rumors he dismissed
And for the next 10 years our old friend would feel the curse of Sidemouth

The second and third year our old friend
Was becoming completely obsessed
But he was inching closer, forming a bond,
and gaining her confidence.
Soon no matter where he went he saw her; learned that they were almost the same both born on the same day soon it even felt like they just shared a brain

Sidemouth was still bouncing around from flame to flame to flame
They didn’t share no love but our unrequited old friend had hope in his game.

The fourth year our old friend
grew the nerve and decided to start
making advances, but Sidemouth knew, and just toyed and played with his heart.
You see now our old friend was poor, displaced, nervous, and homeless.
He scrounged and saved to rent a little place in a last ditch effort to impress.
Mid year while he was out working;
Back at his own home none the less
A pretty little rich boy swept her off her feet.
Our old friend knew he just couldn’t compete.


The fifth year came and
Fizzled out her flame.
Now Our old friend thought he had won
Sidemouth was back by his side and their romance finally had begun
As time went on their thrill would be gone she grew distant and different- he knew something was wrong
You see, Sidemouth never shared her body.
Sidemouth disappeared for days.
Though he suspiciously inquired
She assured him there was no foul play
Pleading she’s been preoccupied and that her mother is very sick
Something deep inside our old friend
Told him this was just a nasty trick.

Still fulfilled all her requests for money
Showered her in sympathy
Yet he suspected anxiously that she was keeping other company.

Enough was enough by the sixth year
He decided to investigate
Reluctantly followed her car to unfamiliar house in stealth on a night so late
Watched in horror through the window as she locked lips with another man he’d seen before.
While earlier she told him “I gotta help my mom”
So enraged, he pounded on the door.
Sidemouth came running out like a chicken going without a head.
“let me explain myself!” She cried!
“He’s just a family friend”
But when her secret lover threw her to the ground our old friend saw red.
Then the punches started flying, sirens and Sidemouth crying....
“I love him more than you” She said.


Three years went by since that fateful night...she was still on his mind.
But he was sure he deleted her from his life.
But pleading for forgiveness like a sneaky little snake she slithered her way back in...
You know our foolish old friend would just perpetuate the sin...
well finally they came together...
and a choir of angels sang.
Finally our old friend felt his love was spent not in vain.

She would avoid accountability
Perpetuate the sin
Manipulate, then conjugate with anyone but him
Like a pawn with only memories of targets that he missed.
He learned the person that he thought she was never did exist.
Now the curse of Sidemouth is broken
He is finally free.
You see my friends,
we’ve reached the end
& “our old friend” is me.